Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
