And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
