Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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