This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
