Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
