If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
