In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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