I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
