the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
