we're chasing vodka with high fives
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
