dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
