Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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