Dual....:-)
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
