I am puke
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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