Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
