do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
