I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
