Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
