OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
