when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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