3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
