You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
