She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
