I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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