Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
