The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
