Are we in a gay sports bar?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
