Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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