I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
