Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
