I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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