i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
