just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
