he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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