is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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