He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
