He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
