filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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