I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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