I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
This house was built for laser tag.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
