if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
