is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
