She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She's like a pop up book from hell.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
