It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
