i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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