I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
