I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
