I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize