I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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