I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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