dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
