Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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